


Kiss Me, Not Him

by mochiseobie



Category: BTOB
Genre: Fluff, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, a tiny bit of angst, changsub is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-10 00:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20519312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochiseobie/pseuds/mochiseobie
Summary: Changsub is pretty sure that Sungjae likes him. But then when they go on Idol Master and Sungjae and Ilhoon kiss, he begins to doubt whether that is true.





	Kiss Me, Not Him

The first time Changsub realised Sungjae's feelings for him, he was both surprised and amused. Surprised because, well, he's _him_; he's nothing special, and pretty average if you ask him. His looks aren't the most unique or attractive, and his personality is sometimes a bit too much for some people. But along with that, he was amused because Sungjae's feelings were professed in the most mundane way.

He's quite an affectionate guy. Touching and being close to someone is something that he likes; sometimes even craves. So of course he's going to be affectionate with his members. It's nothing new - they've all been affectionate with each other before; cuddling, hugging, sleeping together in one bed etc. But maybe he took it a bit too far or something that day, because Sungjae was obviously not comfortable and he even physically stopped him from doing what he was doing. Which was, stupidly enough, rubbing his lips on Eunkwang's ear.

It's still fresh in his mind - the feeling of Sungjae's intense eyes boring holes into the side of his head, his huge hand pressing onto his face and pushing him away so he's not touching Eunkwang anymore. It wasn't that harsh, but it wasn't all that gentle either. He felt quite confused and irritated for being treated that way, but once he met Sungjae's frown, raging with jealousy, he instantly realised what was happening and calmed down.

_"Stop doing that." the younger had muttered._

_"Why?" he raised a brow. "You can't tell me what to do."_

_"It's annoying," Sungjae deadpanned at him. He gestured towards Eunkwang. "Even Eunkwangie-hyung is annoyed."_

Annoyed, my ass, _Changsub thought whilst looking at Eunkwang who wasn't even paying attention to them, but seeing Sungjae being obviously jealous was cute so he didn't mention it._

_"Sure he is."_

That wasn't the only time it happened, either. It kept happening; most of the time unintentionally, but sometimes when Changsub felt particularly playful he did it purposely. And although he knows that he shouldn't, he he loves seeing the younger get frustrated and possessive over him. He loves the indiscreet glares, the occasional eye-roll or scoff when he says something just slightly flirtatious to someone, the way Sungjae gets stuck to him like glue after driving whoever Changsub was with away. He loves it all, even if he'd never admit it.

And he thinks that's enough to prove his assumption correct. Why else would Sungjae react that way, right?

They're currently in their waiting room getting ready to attend _Idol Master _as guests. Of course, it's really early in the morning - around six, he thinks, and to say that he's exhausted would be an understatement. He didn't really get much sleep last night because his mind refuses to shut up whenever he starts to close his eyes. It's not like he's not used to it, but with how busy they are with schedules promoting their new album, it's just a little bit more difficult to deal with.

Thankfully, he's one of the first members to get their makeup and outfit all done so he can have a little nap on the couch before they have to go. He sits down beside Hyunsik, who's got his arms loosely crossed on his chest and head leaned against the couch, clearly about to doze off, and lays his head on his shoulder whilst closing his eyes to relieve the burning sensation overtaking them. Hyunsik is unsurprisingly comfortable, almost as good as a pillow because of how wide and muscular his shoulders are. He feels himself start to drift off.

Just when he's on the brink of sleep, however, he feels someone sit down beside him and gently move his head onto their own shoulder. His brows furrow in confusion and his eyes flutter open, not understanding what's going on. He tilts his head up slightly to catch a glimpse of who disturbed his nap, not entirely surprised to see that it's Sungjae.

"What are you doing?" he grumbles, too tired to deal with Sungjae's antics right now.

"Hyunsik-hyung needs to get ready soon," Sungjae murmurs. "And I'm the only one besides you who's ready. So if you want to sleep on someone's shoulder, use mine."

Despite Changsub's grumpy mood, his lips curl into a discreet smile.

"Okay."

His eyes fall shut again and he lets himself indulge in the warmth that's radiating off Sungjae, using that and the comfort of Sungjae's shoulders to lull himself to sleep.

—-

"Welcome, BTOB!"

The broadcast has already started. There's cheers as soon as they enter the room, and Changsub smiles brightly whilst greeting everyone.

"Born to beat! Hello, we are BTOB!"

The show ensues with them talking about their new album, _This is Us_. Changsub doesn't consider himself someone fit for variety shows despite his boisterous personality, but he still makes an effort to participate and try to make their appearance on the show entertaining. He jokes around, adds a few comments here and there, reacts the way he thinks he's supposed to. And he actually thinks it's fun. He enjoys himself - until they start playing the '_Ninety-Nine Second Relay Mission Challenge'_ for a prize towards the end.

He should've anticipated this, honestly. Variety shows like these thrive off of things such as their 'bromance' and obvious fan service, so of course the damned _Peppero _game is going to be included as one of the relay missions. And although it's fine at first, they lose so many times that they have to keep switching roles, and before he knows it Sungjae is paired with Ilhoon to '_eat the Peppero until it is 0.6mm'._

It's hypocritical of him to be jealous over the fact that Sungjae is going to be so close to someone else, but he can't help it. Just the thought of Sungjae's face being mere millimetres apart from Ilhoon's, lips nearly touching with only a stupid chocolate stick between them, makes him uncomfortable to the point where he just wants to get up and leave. He doesn't even want the dumb prize if he has to suffer through watching that happen right in front of him.

But it's not like he has a say in the matter. Protesting against it will only cause suspicion and the possibility of him outing himself; which he can't risk for obvious reasons. So he doesn't say anything, just peels the apple as slowly as he can without being too slow at the same time. Hyunsik eats the lemon too quickly for his liking, however, and then it's happening.

What makes it even worse is that after Ilhoon dives in and he sees the exact moment their lips _press_ together, Ilhoon leans back in and smacks another kiss. And Sungjae just bursts out laughing, like that scene didn't just cause a crack in Changsub's heart and a harsh heat to thrum through his veins. Everyone else around him is laughing as well, but all he can manage is a weak chuckle, because his gut is twisting in his stomach so much that he feels sick, anger clenching his fists until crescent moons dig into the skin of his palms.

_What the fuck just happened? And why does Sungjae look so happy? Isn't he supposed to like me?_

It definitely doesn't seem like it now. Not when even after they finish the show and drive back home the tips of Sungjae's ears are still a deep red, a dumb smile that Changsub wants to smack off of him on his face.

Maybe he shouldn't have allowed himself to be narcissistic enough to assume that Sungjae has feelings for him, because now he's just empty and frustrated. Why did he ever think that he stood a chance? He just dug his own hole for disappointment, honestly.

"You okay, Seobie?"

He meets Eunkwang's concerned eyes, forcing a smile onto his face.

"Yeah," he answers. "I'm great."

But he's not, and he probably won't be for a while.

—-

Changsub doesn't consider himself someone who holds a grudge. Whenever he gets into an argument with someone, it usually takes him around an hour (or sometimes a day if it's _that _bad) to calm down and not be salty about it anymore. Simply because he doesn't like the conflict, nor does he want to waste his energy being angry at someone for a long period of time.

But this time it's different. This isn't just a _grudge_ \- he can't just brush this off and ignore it for the sake of being at peace with himself. It hurts too much to do that. No matter how much he longs to be able to act like he usually does; all bubbly and affectionate, his heart simply refuses to allow him. Whenever he gets too close, it aches as _the scene _flashes in his mind, reminding him that he's been fooling himself this entire time. He can't even speak, for God's sake.

Which is why it's already been around four days since he's been avoiding Sungjae. It's not the easiest thing in the world considering they're members in the same group, therefore they're together quite a lot. But he manages. And he hates that he's doing it, hates that he can't even look the younger in the eyes anymore without his stomach falling down to the floor. But goddammit, it _hurts. _He thinks he can allow himself to get over it a bit before facing it headfirst.

"You sure you're not coming with us, Changsubie?" Minhyuk asks him after they just finished performing on _Inkigayo, _taking a sip out of his water bottle. "You haven't ate yet, have you?"

"I'm not hungry," he says, even though he kind of is. He's pretty sure Sungjae is going along with them, though, and he doesn't want to suffer being around him more than he already did. "You guys go ahead. I'll just go home and probably order something later."

Minhyuk looks at him in that way he does whenever he's spilling bullshit, but his desperation must've been apparent because thankfully he lets it go.

"Okay," Minhyuk nods once. "Just make sure you eat something soon."

"I know, _mom._" Changsub teases, and Minhyuk playfully hits his shoulder before going off with the others.

"See you later, then."

"See ya."

Then he heads to the manager's car to get driven back to the dorm. He slides the door open and is just about to head inside when he hears someone shout something behind him, making him halt his movements to turn around and look at who did it.

_Oh no._

"Wait, hyung!" Sungjae is running towards him, panting a bit once he finally makes it by his side. Changsub watches him catch his breath, feeling his own breathing get caught in his throat as he anticipates what the younger is going to say to him. Sungjae finally straightens up and smiles at him, landing a hand onto his shoulder. "Let me go with you."

_You've got to be kidding me._

"What, why?" he can't help but question, because _no, this can't be happening. _Just thinking about having to ride home with Sungjae, _alone_, makes him want the ground to swallow him whole. He really isn't ready for this. "Don't you want to go eat with the others?"

"Nah, I'm not that hungry," Sungjae replies, waving him off. He gestures towards the vehicle with his head. "Come on, let's go in already. Manager isn't going to wait for us all day, you know."

Changsub suddenly wants to run to the others and escape to the restaurant with them, but unfortunately, he knows he can't do that. So he just nods dumbly and climbs inside the car, hoping that, at least, Sungjae won't sit down beside him for the journey. It seems like it's his unlucky day, however, because Sungjae does just that, settling into the seat right next to him with that stupid smile still on his face despite there being so many empty seats around them. Yeah, this is definitely karma for all the bad deeds he did in the past, he thinks.

What's worse is that as soon as they start driving, an awkward tension looms above them that just keeps increasing the further they go. It's suffocating; having Sungjae be right there beside him, warmth radiating off him and everything, only for them to be completely silent. He admits it's mostly his fault - staring out the window like it's the most interesting thing in the world doesn't make him seem very willing to partake in conversation, nor does he make the effort anyway. But it's still painful. He just wants to go home and hide already.

After an excruciating amount of time, they finally reach the dorm. Changsub thanks their manager and quickly gets out of the car. He doesn't even wait for Sungjae to get out as well as he darts towards the door, getting out his keys to open it and head inside. He's so eager to escape into his room that he doesn't notice Sungjae right behind him, grabbing onto his wrist to prevent him from going any further.

"Not so fast, hyung," Sungjae says, and he definitely doesn't sound as cheery as he did before. Changsub freezes, heart stopping for a split-second. "I'm not letting you avoid me anymore."

"I-I wasn't-"

"Don't even try lying to me," Sungjae interrupts, pulling onto his wrist hard enough that he loses his balance and stumbles into Sungjae's chest. He's about to complain and maybe smack the other upside the head because even though he knows he's been treating him like shit, he still doesn't appreciate being pushed around like this. But then Sungjae is gently tilting his head up so they're face to face, suddenly making them way too close for him to muster up any of the words he wanted to say. "Be honest with me, okay? I just want to know why you're doing it."

Changsub tries to calm down his heart that's currently banging against his chest. Now is not the time to be affected by things such as their close proximity or the way Sungjae's hand is still firmly grasping his wrist, or the fact that he can literally feel the warmth of Sungjae's breath on his face. Now is definitely not the time, yet it's all he can think about. Damn Sungjae and his ability to render him speechless.

"Have I done something wrong?" the younger questions. "Is that what it is? Have I made you upset?"

"N-No, that's not-" Changsub sighs, snapping out of his momentary trance to look down at his feet because there's no way he's going to explain anything when he's so distracted. "You didn't do anything _wrong_, it's just... I didn't like what you did."

He can practically feel Sungjae frowning at him.

"So I _did _make you upset."

"Kind of, yeah," he hesitantly admits, not liking the way Sungjae's shoulders slump in result. "But it's not your fault! I basically did it to myself, so don't feel bad."

"What do you mean?" Sungjae asks, puzzled as hell. Changsub bites his lip. He really doesn't want to explain it because now that he thinks about it, it's really stupid. And there's no doubt that it's gonna sound even more stupid when he says it out loud. He's just going to sound narcissistic and childish, and Sungjae is probably going to laugh at him for it. Sungjae suddenly taps a finger underneath Changsub's chin. "Look at me, hyung."

Despite not wanting to, he does. He meets Sungjae's eyes, all warm and comforting, and though he's a nervous mess and still wants to disappear in existence, he decides that fuck it, he might as well be really blunt about this. There's no point beating around the bush when the conversation has already started. And if he'll get made fun of, well, he'll just have to deal with that.

_Here we go, I guess._

"I thought you liked me," he says. Sungjae looks taken aback, brows furrowing just slightly, but Changsub already anticipated that reaction so he doesn't let it affect him. "And I know that sounds dumb and like I'm up my own ass, but I genuinely thought that you did. And I liked thinking that, because I'm pretty sure I like you and having your attention. But then when we went on _Idol Master _that one day and you and Ilhoon kissed, I began to realise that it's not true."

"That's why I've been avoiding you. Because, well, it hurts knowing that you don't actually think of me in that way. And it's not like you can help that, I know that it was unfair treating you that way. But I guess I just need some time to get over it, you know? Because it's not like-"

"Hyung, just stop talking," Sungjae suddenly cuts him off, the corners of his lips twitching like he's resisting the urge to smile. Changsub frowns at him, both perplexed and slightly offended that the latter would just interrupt him like that when he's here pouring his heart out for him. "Stop."

"Why-"

"Seriously," Sungjae insists. "I don't want to hear anymore."

_What the hell is wrong with this guy?_

"Sungjae, what are you-"

Before Changsub can say anything more, Sungjae cups his face in his hands and leans down to press their lips together. Changsub's brain short circuits. He is so shook that he doesn't even respond for a few seconds, his mind nor body able to process what is happening. But then he registers it; the soft lips moving against his own, the large, warm hands on his face, the body that is leaning into his own, and most importantly, that it's all Sungjae who's doing it. And although he doesn't understand why this is happening, he starts responding instantly.

His eyes flutter closed as he kisses back, his fingers reaching up to circle around Sungjae's nape and thread through the back of his hair. It's so surreal to him, even as he feels Sungjae's hands slip off his face and arms circle around his waist instead, pulling him closer so their chests collide once more. He never even dared to imagine them kissing like this, or at all, actually. Even when he thought that Sungjae likes him, it seemed like too much of a fantasy he'd never get to experience in real life. But now that it's happening, he's not entirely sure what to do with himself.

Sungjae suddenly starts walking forward and he's forced to step back until his back meets a wall with a small _thump, _making him groan at the unexpected contact. He feels Sungjae smile against him. Then there's teeth lightly nipping onto his bottom lip, sending shivers throughout his body that just get more intense when Sungjae decides to suck on it as well. And he actually _moans_, his fingers tugging onto Sungjae's hair because _holy fuck, that feels incredible_.

It's definitely getting a little too hot now. He needs to calm down and get some air before he takes things too far, so as much as he doesn't want to, he gently pushes Sungjae off him. They're both breathing heavily as soon as they part. Changsub doesn't think he's ever seen Sungjae's eyes so dark and intense before, clouded with a want that could only occur from something as heavy as what they just did - but he loves it. It makes him want to lean back in and devour the younger, but he's not going to do that just yet. He still has something he needs to clarify.

"Why?" he asks, still a bit out of breath. "Why did you kiss me?"

"Because unlike what you think, I actually _do _like you," Sungjae answers, a small smile on his face. "And I have done for a while."

"Y-You what?" Changsub is so confused. How does this make any sense? Is he hearing this correctly? "But then why did you look so happy when you and Ilhoon kissed?"

"That wasn't because of Ilhoon-hyung," he says. "It was because of you. You were clearly jealous, even though the kiss was just for the fans' entertainment, and that made me really happy. I never saw you like that because of me before."

"But you were all red and everything, I saw you," Changsub insists, frowning. "You had that- that smile on your face that you have whenever you're flustered and-"

Sungjae giggles, shaking his head in amusement. "Changsub-hyung," he says, hands sliding across Changsub's cheeks again to carefully hold his face. "Listen to me, okay? That was all for _you_. Not Ilhoon-hyung. Yes, I was shocked and flustered at first, but all I could see after it happened was you and how cute you looked when the tips of your ears were flushed red from anger, and how your fists looked so tiny by your sides because of how hard you were clenching them. All I could focus on was you, no one else."

Changsub stares at Sungjae dumbly, stunned into silence. There's still a part of him that doesn't believe the other, mostly because he's stubborn and it still doesn't make any sense to him, but Sungjae's expression is serious and his eyes don't deter from his own. He'd be stupid if he took that for granted.

"Are you sure?" 

"I'm a hundred-percent sure, hyung," Sungjae reassures him. "You have all my attention."

At that, his lips split into a wide smile, relief along with a wave of happiness flooding his chest. "Okay, good," he says. "Because you have all of my attention, too."

Sungjae chuckles and slowly strokes the pads of his thumbs against Changsub's cheeks. "Does that mean that you'll finally be mine?"

"As long as you don't kiss anyone other than me anymore, sure." Changsub grins, going on his tiptoes a bit to give Sungjae's lips a soft peck. Sungjae grins back at him, eyes all warm and fond again, and then he leans down to connect their lips once more.

"Don't worry," he murmurs against him. "I won't."

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a while since i've posted anything. i've been too busy to properly finish anything, but i've managed to do this at least after watching random BTOB videos lol. i know it's not much and it's kinda bad but i hope you enjoyed reading this anyway :)) have a great day! <3


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